“Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about you and me..." - Salt-N-Pepa

“Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about sex."

Own it, if you are a certain age you are singing the song right now. When sex and intimacy in a relationship are good, things tend to be good in that relationship. When these things are not so good, relationships tend to struggle. Those difficult situations that happen in life, because life always has difficult situations, are then strained and harder. People start to feel lonely and frustrated. Salt-N-Pepa back in 1991 had the right idea. OK, the song may not be about what I am referring to but the idea of talking about it, is so important.

Over the years I have worked with a lot of clients who struggled with intimacy issues in their relationships. One client I worked with expressed difficulty with sexual function for various reasons. He expressed an inability to get or keep an erection when he was interested in more than just sex. He was perfectly able when he emotionally did not feel connected, so it wasn’t about a physical inability. It was about his fear of intimacy. Intimacy is not sex. Intimacy is about connection, and trust and honesty. Being able to be with someone and allowing them to see you, all of the good, bad and ugly, and still feel safe. You can have intimacy and not have a sexual relationship. You can have sex and not have intimacy. My client had struggled with a long history of trauma. Together we were able to identify intimate relationships that he had which had no sexual involvement. From there we worked together to get him to understand his fears and start moving through them, so that he could trust and connect sexually with someone he cared about.

Are you struggling with connection with someone you love? How do you express your needs for intimacy? So often the very things we want are the things we are pushing away, and we don’t even realize it. Let me help. Corey

Corey Lindner Counseling

www.coreylindnerlcsw.com